Last Oswegonian Column

The Oswegonian, my campus paper, is going on break until next semester. Here's the last column I wrote for them.

Getting Around in Thailand

There’s a reason why Thai taxi drivers have shrines on their dashboards. The Buddha figurines and lotus flowers are believed to protect against the drivers’ death-defying maneuvers. Two lane highways are turned into three due to chaotic stream of aggressive traffic. It’s not even that rare to get in a soup-ed up cab, complete with a turbo and custom designed steering wheels. It seems like The Fast and the Furious was a hit here. One particularly ballsy driver would rub an amulet whenever he’d make a move. In a half hour taxi ride, he rubbed the amulet at least a dozen times.

Taking a taxi is the quickest way to get around Thailand, barring horrendous traffic jams, but taxis can be found anywhere in the world. The Kingdom of Thailand has several unique modes of transportation that prove much more exciting, although not as practical.

The most prevalent vehicles in tourist areas are the tuk tuks. These hellish contraptions are essentially three-wheeled rickshaws with no windows. They spew out black smoke and the roofs make it impossible to see all the surroundings. Still, this is the transport of choice for most tourists and the drivers do their best to take advantage of the naïve farangs (foreigners). Any price that the driver says should immediately be cut in half through the art of haggling. Don’t stop at his “friend’s” shop, which pay the driver a commission for tourists being carted to their business. One trademark of the tuk tuk driver is the questionable things he offers. He (I have yet to see a woman driver) begins asking a passerby if they want a tuk tuk ride, and the answer is usually no. Next, he asks if they want to go to a massage parlor. When that fails, he casually offers “boom boom.” I wonder how many people go for that offer.

A relaxing way to get around Bangkok is the express boats floating on the Chao Praya. About 50 cents can get a person from the northern end of town to the Sky Train connection in the south. The temples along the ride are breathtaking. The dirty brown water and the river-front shacks are not.

Outside of Bangkok, taxis and public buses are almost impossible to find. Instead, songtaews take their place. Think of these as redneck taxis. Two benches are set up behind a covered pick-up truck, and anybody can hop on. The most intimidating aspect is the fares. You don’t pay until you reach the destination, but the fare depends on how many people get on the songtaew during the trip. If several people get on, the fare reduced. It’s an interesting approach, but it makes getting to the proper destination require some luck and patience.

Finally, there are the motorcycle taxis, which might as well be called kamikazes. Stick your knees in while riding on the back of the motorbike because the drivers come inches from other cars. The motorcycle lane is pretty much in-between all the other cars, and so far I’ve seen one casualty, in addition to some minor accidents. Still, the thrill of the ride and the cheap price makes it my main way of getting around. The only time I feel Asian is when I’m sitting on a motorcycle in my school uniform. At all other times I’m just another farang.